Conversations with Oneself
by lillpon
Summary: A missing scene from 7x02, a while after Emma heals Wish Hook, with one slight deviation from canon.


**Warning:** This story contains slight mentions of miscarriage.

* * *

Killian offered his hand to Emma to help her walk over a fallen log. The... other version of himself looked at him with curiosity.

"There's no need to treat me like I'm made of glass," she teased with a smile.

"Aye, love, I know." He smiled back, though tentatively.

"Overprotective, isn't he?" the other Hook said.

"Not as much as you'd think," she said but poked at his arm softly, winking at him. "Sometimes I just take advantage of his willingness to go bring me what I'm craving at two in the morning."

The other Hook chuckled. Killian noticed that his hand was fidgeting, much like his own did when he was nervous. Suddenly he remembered the rook in his pocket. He let go of Emma's hand briefly to retrieve it.

"I think you should have this back." He offered it to his other self. It was still dark but he didn't miss the glimmer in his eyes and his soft smile.

"Thank you," he said, tucking it back into his coat pocket.

"So this... daughter, when did she came to be?" Killian asked.

He looked at him confused for a moment, before he realized what he really wanted to know. "After our stories diverged, if that's what you're worried about." He chuckled briefly but the smile died on his lips, as he looked at Emma with worry.

Emma rubbed circles on his hand with her thumb. "Don't worry," she said. "I know very well the man I married."

His alternate self relaxed visibly, but his hand was still fidgeting.

"What's her name?" Killian asked.

The other man stayed silent for a moment, looking at the two of them before finally turning to him. "Alice."

Alice. His mother- _their_ mother.

Killian smiled and nodded, and saw from the corner of his eye that Emma was smiling softly too.

"Were you thinking of that name?"

"Well, it's a little early," Emma said, shrugging. "We don't even know what we're expecting. But we have discussed the possibilities."

"It was your choice, I gather," Killian said.

He nodded.

They continued on their trek, pausing after a while at Killian's wish to let Emma take a breath.

She looked at him with an annoyed expression, but once she saw his furrowed brow she relaxed and sat down on a big rock. Killian knelt down next to her and rubbed at her knee.

"You shouldn't have done all that trek before," the other Hook said.

"It's okay," she said, waving her hand at him. "It was worth it."

"I'm sorry I dragged you all into this. And I'm sorry I... tried to interfere in the first place."

Emma squeezed a little at Killian's hand. "Well, you didn't go through with it. You wouldn't be the first one to try to go to such lengths and regret it just in time." She didn't look at him, but Killian knew he was talking about him. It had been years and they'd been through endless discussions about it, but he still felt shame about his actions as a once Dark One. She squeezed his hand again and looked at him with a soft smile, sensing his discomfort. She looked back at the other man. "And perhaps I'm a little to blame too."

"You? How?"

"When I met you in the Wish Realm." She bit her lip. "I completely dismissed you, I didn't think anything serious could be going on. Perhaps I could have helped you back then."

Killian looked at him, then at Emma. Perhaps he deserved help finding his daughter... but every time she talked about helping other people at the expense of her own happiness, he always felt a twist in his gut and a barely contained anger.

"You couldn't have known. And I don't blame you," the other Hook said, shrugging.

Emma nodded, her soft smile still on.

* * *

When they reached Henry's camp Killian immediately suggested Emma take a rest. She didn't complain at all, after all he could see the way her shoulders hunched forward.

He stayed with her until she fell asleep. He suddenly felt inclined to sing his mother's lullaby as he watched her eyelids droop closed and her breath get slow and even.

Henry was just lying down on a makeshift cot on the ground right then, so he decided he could exit the hut, breathe some fresh air and sort out his feelings.

His plans to go for a walk in the forest changed when he saw his other self sit by the fire, the small chess piece held at his hand. He was slowly and carefully running his fingers around it.

He remembered how he had once done the same with Liam's insignia. And Milah's portrait.

"May I?" he said as he approached the man and pointed at the logs around the fire.

The other Hook only nodded and put the rook back inside the pocket.

"You seem to be very concerned with your wife's needs."

"Weren't you with Alice's mother?"

His expression turned serious. "Let's say that... she didn't give me much of a chance to... experience her pregnancy."

"But you chose the baby's name?"

He only nodded, a tight smile on his lips.

"Did you raise her without her mother?"

The smile faded away. "Yes. I wish she had the chance of having a right mother. But I couldn't be prouder of what she- Alice, has become." He smiled again and this time it looked more genuine.

Killian nodded and looked at the fire. "This is not our first effort to have a child," he confessed in a low voice. "We had had... chances before, but..." He trailed off, hoping the other man would complete the sentence on his own.

"That's why you're so worried about her."

"Besides everything else, it was devastating... to see her reaction. We would have adopted. We still plan to, soon after our baby is born, but... she wanted to experience all this so much."

"And you too."

"Aye."

"The whole 'diapers and feedings thing'." He smiled, chuckling when he saw Killian smiling back.

"You know better, anyway. You've already gone through it, I gather."

The other man nodded, his expression softening. "Are you scared?"

Killian shrugged. "I've read a lot on it. I've still got a lot to know, but until I get to see it for myself..."

"It is tiring, sometimes. There can be times you'll think you won't make it... but then you'll hold your child in your arms, see the smile on that little face, and you'll know everything is worth it."

Killian examined his face. He had that same sad smile and glazed eyes he had when he talked about how he played chess with his daughter. The other man closed his eyes and took a few breaths before opening them again and smiling at him, broader this time.

"I wouldn't trade it for the world," he added.

Killian felt a pang at his stomach. He knew that feeling all too well. "I hope you'll find her," he said softly.

He nodded and looked back at the fire.


End file.
